Inescapable me

By Ali Scontrino (4/26/12) There I am, an image in a mirror; graced with a voice that all must hear. A girl I've never accepted, a girl that brings me fear. Sometimes I feel she laughs, laughing at me. Sometimes she looks so sad, like she doesn't want to be. To bad I run this show here. Oh the traitor in the mirror. No matter how I see it, it's always in that fear I see , an in escapable me.

Life today

Life Today by Ali Scontrino (4/26/12) I'm here today and that's what matters. Alive and full of feeling. I experience life as it happens and only when over planned does it escape me. I see things all new now. With eyes allowed to see. I can be a person again, I surely can be me.

Adventures in sunbathing; squirrel saga

Well today is a beautiful day and on any beautiful what better activity to do then sunbathing. Today's sunbathing was like none other I've experienced. * to give some history on my rad; I live in a back area with full sun, a fence and tons of privacy (no this story isn't about nude sunbathing). There are trees and berry bushes butting up to my fence and spilling over. For the last two years a squirrel (I think it's the same squirrel)runs along the fence line taunting dosha. She gets all riled up and runs back and fourth growling and attempting to leap at it as the squirrel jumps into a tree and scurries off. This squirrel has been doing this purposefully I know because I watched one day and I saw it in a high tree out of doshas sight. It stalked her from the tree then slowly taunted her and then got as close as possible. Well today that sucker will regret making dosha a target. Frankly I think we won't have a squirrel problem anymore. As I'm laying out about to read dosha goes ballistic and starts leaping. Then I see a grey hunk, large, fall from the tree. Oh shit! The squirrel ran the perimeter of my yard, dosha in is wake hopping from one potted plant to the other. Not the jalapeños again!! She was going st that squirrel. I ran after her and pulled her from the wounded squirrel. It limped around disoriented. If you are faint of heart or overly animal lover I am sorry for the rest of the story. I got dosha inside. I went around to open the fence from the other side. The squirrel was in bad sorts, frantic. It couldn't find the out. I decided to brave it and I grabbed my big rake so I could shoe it out the gate but as I grabbed it the squirrel found an opening into the neighbors yard. Thinking this is over I let dosha out close the gate and go to put the rake away. Dosha runs to the fence growling and I hear clawing on the wood of the fence. The fucker is climbing back up, coming back. Is it crazy?? I put dosha in the house again and go to knock to off the fence by whacking it with the rake. The squirrel leaps at me. I scream throwing the rake and running the other. I trip cut off and scramble to the house inside safe. I didn't see anymore of that squirrel but it sure gave me an adventure this afternoon. I got a cut on my foot and a limp to prove it. Rest in peace squirrel and I hope you go soon. It seems the injuries it may have sustained might be fatal. I'm sorry for that but as I said earlier, it should have never started something with dosha. Thought I'd share.

Fairy Tales must Die

• Fairy Tales must Die 7/09/08 Fairy Tales must Die It'll never be pure & white; the prince kissing a helpless snowwhite. The day never comes when your breath clogs your throat; you never truly get saved from a moat. There is no prince charming, there is no white knight. All reality holds is another helpless fight.

The Endless Climb

• The Endless Climb The Endless Climb by Ali Scontrino Found in a hole; the one I dug for myself Somehow I went down while climbing the shelf The shelf tumbling down and in this hole is where I was found There is this constant battle to gain new ground Climbing the shelf, tumbling down and here in the dirt I remain forever bound. Bound to the floor of this hole I'm surround Seeing the goals on the shelf all around Goals that seem to move when my fingers grow near Then down in the hole is where I appear.

So tired, so tired. (2010 by JC)

So tired, so tired. Heavy head, heavy eyelids, heavy shoulders. Heart like a lead weight squishing my lungs. Can’t breathe, getting dizzy………….. Just BREATHE, It can’t always be like this, it won’t always be like this. Something must change, something will change. Always going, always seeing. Yet they never see. Feeling like I cannot accomplish it all. Why am I the only one that sees the chaos? I have my own list that can start once the others are done. The others are never done, so I can never begin. Where to begin? Theirs, mine, all of it, none of it? Logic? Values? Responsibility? Why more than others? Why some not enough? Can it be taught? Is it too late for change? Change comes from within, they say. There are major changes, but not for the good. How can the bad continue to blossom? Where is the Zen, where is the karma? Out pours light but in comes darkness. So much given but very little in return. Consuming..devouring.. I & Me not You & Us Focused on oneself forsaking all others. Tired of the excuses, tired of the lies. Tired of the complaining, tired of the sighs. Tired of the anger, tired of the tears. Tired of the apologies, tired of the sympathy. Tired of the burden, tired of the reality. Tired of the distractions, tired of the disappointment. Watching a journey that is assumed a full circle. Yet the circle may be so big, might become a straight line. What then? How long does one watch a journey? One polarized magnet that is moving further away. The magnetism has flipped. Can it be repaired?

Fossils (2010)

• Fossils The growth in life Funny how things are; years go by, life goes on and still glimmers from the past shine through and surround you with memory and of life and changes. Sometimes you make an impact on people and other times it's they who make the impression. Often you are just another moment in time passing other moments in time with just a breath and a double take to remember the moment. Every now and then there are these moments where time and space collide and someone that has touched your past, good and bad, comes out of nowhere to remind you where you came from and how you made it to the path in time you're on now. You always let friends and acquaintances pass by in life. Sometimes your grasp of each other is strong enough to remain in existence together for a lifetime or many years of experience and enlightenment and other times the grasp leaves only a memory of people and time; burned into memory forever. Life keeps moving on and memory of people stay strong- a thought and perspective; someone who changed you. There are the glimmers of time, the ones who moved on and then after time has passed and life has changed they reappear, telling new life stories and having new life experiences; struggles and triumphs. Many of the lives that pass are so strong, wild, and passionate that to exist together was destruction to the other's growth; odd how the universes collide. Spheres so pumped with adrenaline and power and energy; survival. It is survival that makes these moments and memories strong. Surviving is the strength inside that prevails despite the beings alongside you. Sometimes survival makes you change your time and you move on to a new space; despite the common bonds and intimate revealing of heart and life. Those moments when your clock stops for just a second, so fast you can't even tell time is stopping for you to truly see something, leaves permanent picture, an impression on your heart and mind. Those moments were made to stay in stone; in heart. Those moments were what changed views, perspectives, and whole entire life paths. Every now and then these lives grow and change and survive and then they bump into each other and somehow the connection is made, the circle has come around and you get to tap into that pure strength that may have once felt a weakness, from the past, and you get to see yourself in that moment again; a moment that may have change something in time forever. -By Ali Scontrino