So tired, so tired. (2010 by JC)

So tired, so tired. Heavy head, heavy eyelids, heavy shoulders. Heart like a lead weight squishing my lungs. Can’t breathe, getting dizzy………….. Just BREATHE, It can’t always be like this, it won’t always be like this. Something must change, something will change. Always going, always seeing. Yet they never see. Feeling like I cannot accomplish it all. Why am I the only one that sees the chaos? I have my own list that can start once the others are done. The others are never done, so I can never begin. Where to begin? Theirs, mine, all of it, none of it? Logic? Values? Responsibility? Why more than others? Why some not enough? Can it be taught? Is it too late for change? Change comes from within, they say. There are major changes, but not for the good. How can the bad continue to blossom? Where is the Zen, where is the karma? Out pours light but in comes darkness. So much given but very little in return. Consuming..devouring.. I & Me not You & Us Focused on oneself forsaking all others. Tired of the excuses, tired of the lies. Tired of the complaining, tired of the sighs. Tired of the anger, tired of the tears. Tired of the apologies, tired of the sympathy. Tired of the burden, tired of the reality. Tired of the distractions, tired of the disappointment. Watching a journey that is assumed a full circle. Yet the circle may be so big, might become a straight line. What then? How long does one watch a journey? One polarized magnet that is moving further away. The magnetism has flipped. Can it be repaired?